from the other side

so a little over a year ago i gave up something that had been a MAJOR part of my life for 15 years.  i was the band director at a private school here in nashville for all of that time & for lack of a better phrase, it was my life.  (this is possibly the reason that GOD called me out of it...but not where i was going with this post today.)  last year was a huge year of growth for me & my family.  we did so many things differently & although there were some trials, it was a fantastic year.  i did not miss my old life.  i didn't miss being a band director.  i don't think that people always believed me when i would tell them that, but it was (& still is) the truth.  i do miss the people & relationships that i had at the school - the faculty, staff, students, & parents.  i have maintained some friendships, but many have distanced themselves & seem to feel weird about being with or talking with me now that i'm not at the school. 

enter the epitome of awkwardness...through a series of interesting events, this private school is allowing home school students to participate in their athletic & co-curricular activities.  so my eldest, who is 100% in to all things music, enrolled in their marching band.  the marching band that i started.  the marching band that i directed for 15 years.  the marching band that made the state championship finals with me 4 times.  the marching band that i am no longer affiliated with.  the marching band that i willingly gave up.  my son is now a full fledged member of said marching band. 

i am honestly at a loss for words at this thought... 




...well, the marching season has just begun and as i find myself in the shoes of a band parent, overall, i love it!  i get all the joy of watching & listening to the students improve & perform with none of the responsibility or stress.  however, in my own insecurities, i feel like i'm in the spotlight every time i show up for a band meeting or function.  and not the cool "i'm on stage" spotlight...i'm talking about the one that the old movies used to use on someone who was being interrogated for a crime?  that kind of "in your face, what have you done" spotlight. maybe no one else is thinking this or feeling that my presence is out of place, but it is where i find myself right now...cheering on my son & his marching band from the other side of the fence.