thoughts & camp

about 3 weeks ago chris & i were on the site of camp suwannee.  chris leads the worship team & does all things "music-y" there.  he has been working in this capacity for the past 20 years & i have been accompanying him there, off & on, for the past 10 - 12.  we spend 2 weeks there & i can honestly say that i look forward to & treasure the time that we spend at camp suwannee...but this was not always the case.

because chris had various & many responsibilities throughout the day & especially the night, i spent much of my time, mostly the years when my boys were babies, hauled up in our room with a screaming, non-sleeping boy.  i spent many nights crying, feeling alone, sleep deprived & pretty much pitiful.   

for the past several years though, i've been blessed to be able send my boys to grandma's house for 1 of the weeks.  because of this, i've been able to get more involved & teach classes & such.  being a teacher at heart, i was thrilled to be asked to teach again this year...but i just wasn't so sure what to teach on.  as i prayed about it, GOD began unfolding a biblical concept that i had never really spent much time even thinking about.  GOD tells us that we are to "be transformed by the renewing of our mind" (rom. 12.2), but honestly, i didn't really know what that looked like.  well, through much study, prayer, reading, etc. i am learning that it means to "think differently"...to "think new thoughts about old issues".  so as i prepared to teach, GOD began to show me so many places that he was giving me new thoughts & new emotions in place of the toxic ones i had held on to for so long.  one of these places was camp... 

for the past several years, i believe that GOD has been renewing my thoughts about camp.  without realizing it, i used to carry around negative thoughts & emotions from those lonely, tear filled nights at camp & therefore my brain would cause me to feel wretched every time i thought about or entered the camp grounds. but no more, my friend.  i am free!  GOD is showing me all the time new ways to think about this old stuff. 

so in the midst of this revelation & transformation this year, i'm walking one night ever so 'happy-go-lucky' from the evening service up to the game time when i come across my sweet friend danielle.  she is pushing a screaming stroller while balancing a laundry basket under her arm.  i approach & relieve her of that load & walk with her to her room.  in that short 3 minutes, i realize that i was looking at my past in her worn out, tired eyes.  but now i had the opportunity to help - to maybe make it possible for her to leave camp this year with new thoughts & emotions.  i walked her laundry inside & took the screamer from the stroller, i told danielle to get herself in bed, & i bounced me a sweet baby boy to sleep.  it took all of 30 minutes for him to be out - only about 2 for danielle.  but in that time, GOD gave me a sense of happiness & joy that i can not really even express.  an onlooker would assume that what i was doing there was for danielle, but as i tip-toed out of her room, i thanked GOD for this blessing - for reminding me that HE does not free us from something just to sit around in our freedom, but to share it with others.  i know that danielle was grateful for getting some much needed sleep that night, but i was so honored that GOD would use me in this way.