2018 Winter Olympics with Chris - Two

1.  Simultaneously, overtop of each of other - I say, “I don’t even know what’s happening here.” While Chris says, “What are we watching right now?”

(It was - Ladies 10 K Free, Cross Country Skiing)

2.  While watching cross country skiing, commentator says, “The best looking skier at this point is Haga”.  Chris says, “I don’t know...Jessie Diggins is pretty hot.”

3.  Watching speed skating, commentators talk about Eric Heiden who won 5 gold medals at the 1980 Winter Olympics - something no other Winter athlete has done. Chris proceeds to Google him. “He’s a physician?!?  He’s got an athletic career AND a medical career?!?  CRAP!! Why am I not Heiden-ing?” 

4.  Commentator is talking about Kramer, the Dutch speed skater.  They talk about what a huge deal this race is and say that even the children back home are watching it in school. Chris says, “Why?  It’s not exciting like American football?  It’s like NASCAR with only 2 racers!”

5.  Watching one of the longer, long track speed skating events, Chris says, “If I was in that crowd, I’d be bloated from all the nachos I left the arena to go get.”

6.  “Couldn’t they have come up with something better to stop the 80 mph Skeleton racers than foam bedding from Cosco?”

7.  Watching some of the men’s Giant Slalom, “You can fast through this.  I don’t need to see all this “shushing”. I don’t need to see any shushing of any of these other shushers, unless they’re our shusher.”

8.  I ask, “Who is this skiing?”  Chris, “It’s one of the ‘sideways-cross’ country’s. 

9.  “I can tell he didn’t get a first down cuz I can see the green line.” - watching Men’s Large Hill Ski Jump 

10.  “I’m all about Women’s Big Air.”

11.  Bobsledding is not going so well for USA.  I say, “We need to make up some time.”  Chris says, “We need rockets on our bobsled. I guarantee, we will be great at rockets.”

12.   Referring to Woman’s Downhill Training, “What is training?  It is nothing.  It’s, ‘I’m gonna go down the hill. You can time me if you want.”

13.  “I don’t  think cross country skiing is for me...not participating in nor watching.”

14.  Ice Dancing team, “Chock/Bates...Ooo Ahh Ahh”

15.  Winston asks, “So what’s the difference between ice dancing and ice skating?”  Chris says, “Well, really it comes down to floofiness.” 

16.  “Is Johnny Weir serious with his look or is he going for comedy?  Or maybe he is just saying, “Hey, watch this...I’m gonna wear this on TV tonight...”

17.  Johnny Weir says, “It’s gonna come down to the prestige of Yevgenia Medvedeva and the strategy of Alina Zagitova.”  Mike Tirico says, “We look forward to that.”  Chris says, “...he says with a straight face.” 

18.  Watching ski jumping, Chris says, “I’m amazed at how NBC continues to think we know how tall the Statue of Liberty is.”

19.  “Oh, this is the team ski jump. We have no one. We couldn’t even muster up a team in ski jump.”

20.  Commenting further on why we don’t have any one doing ski jumping, “It’s kind of like an X-Game event from the ‘60s. You just ski down the hill and do 1 jump...forget that.”

21.  “Belarus, Norway, Poland...ya know, all the countries everyone’s heard of but no one’s ever been to.”

22.  4 man bobsled, “Oh, that’s the big hot dog tube on skates.”

23.  While reading about the 4 man bobsled, we learn that there are 2 “push athletes”.  Chris says, “If someone were to say, ‘by the by, are you a sportsman?’ ‘Why yes. I’m one of the 2 push athletes.’ They would respond, ‘...pardon?’”

24.  “Why don’t they just cram 8 or 10 people in there?  Like a clown car bobsled.” 

25.  Commentator says, “Let’s have a listen to the rumble & roar of the 4 man sled ALL the way down the hill.”  Chris says, “What that means is, ‘I’m gonna go get a coffee.’”

26.  Looking at the Big Air scoring break down, there are a couple people with a “JNS”. Chris says, “JNS stands for, Just...No...Stop.” 

27.  Ester Ledecka, skier/snowboarder, “I think she got her uniform from Party City.”

28.  Commenting on why we haven’t seen any 2 man luge this time, Chris says in an exaggerated announcer voice, “Two man luge - too awkward for Primetime.”

29.  “Why didn’t France & Italy get together when they were choosing their flags?  And who came first. Like Italy might say, ‘We need a new flag. I like France’s flag...what’s the least amount we can change it and avoid copyright infringement?’”

30.  Mass Start speed skating:  “This is like conga line racing.”

31.  Referring to the Russian Curling team, “So they probably just went off on their own with the doping...to gain a  physical advantage...in curling.” 

32.  “We should make the biathlon punishment for school shooters. ‘Alright, go ahead, cross country ski for a kilometer or so, then you can shoot whatever you want, big man. 

Closing Ceremony

33.  Referring to the children coming in with the Korean flag wearing tiger hats & ponchos, “They’re like a real life version of a Snapchat filter.”

34.  Korean man singing the National Anthem, “He’s wearing a diaper scarf...with his dress.”

35.  Jambinai, the Korean music group that is mixing Eastern & Western traditional music with more modern sounds are jamming to this one note/one chord song. Chris says, “I wonder if they know ‘Enter Snadman.’”

36. A child is singing the Olympic Anthem.  Chris says, “They’re not even trying to fool us now - he doesn’t even have a microphone.”

37.  Referring to the mesh, light suit Panda in Beijing’s presentation, “Oh, I wanna be that for Halloween.”

38.  Weird pan banging & dancing, “We did this exact same dance in our living room when I was 9.  I knew it looked familiar.”

39.  Watching some K-pop group,  Chris says, “Yeah, it’s the 90’s in Korea.”

40.  “This particular act right now is like a version of a dance/sing off between Korean Backstreet Boys & Korean *NSYNC.”

41.  K-Pop is still going on, but there are several big ATVs sitting around on the stage. I ask, “What are these 4-Wheeler’s for?”  Chris says, “They’re waiting for this to be over so they can put the tarp back on.”

2018 Winter Olympics with Chris - One

1.  The commentators are explaining the story behind the Opening Ceremony and how much history of Korea was put into the planning, design, and performance of the show.  Chris says, “I better know as much about Korea as Wikipedia when this is over.”

2.  Commentators say, “Whereas we might be afraid of tigers, the Korean’s see them as protectors.”  Chris says, “I would consider it an honor to be mauled by a Korean tiger.”

3.  Jonah wondered, “What if you took a knee during the Korean National Anthem?”  Chris says, “Protesting Tiger brutality?”

4.  Commentator, “As is tradition, Greece will march in first, then Korea will be last and the others will come in in alphabetical order, based on the Korean alphabet.” Chris says, “So...random.” 

5.  Referring to the Korean kids circling the arena doing silly dance moves, “All you have to do is stand here and do the Floss for 2 hours.”

6.  “Here is Samer Tawk from Lebanon” - said like someone from Lebanon, TN.

7.  Referring to USA’s Opening Ceremony attire, “Team USA can come in from the snow and immediately take a roast out of the oven with those gloves on.” 

8.  Katie Couric is talking about the Ralph Lauren jackets made for Team USA. They have a heating element in them. She said, “I tried one on and it was really nice. It heats up your upper back and keeps it toasty.”  Chris says, “I often sit out in the snow and say, ‘My upper back is freezing!  I wish my upper back was toasty.’”

9.  “You better be on your A game to handle that flag.” 

10.  San Marino is SO tiny.  It’s a dot on the map of Italy...it’s literally surrounded on all sides by Italy. Jonah says, “Italy could just take them at any time.” Immediately Chris says, “And believe you, me, they let them know it every time they see them.”

11.  “What if Dan Marino visited San Marino. They’d be like, ‘You’re name is “Dan" Marino?!?’  It would be like if someone came here and we’d be like, ‘You’re name is “Bunited" States?!?’”

12.  “Who are these ninja ghost babies?”

13.  Referring to Georgia’s flag - “We’ll make a flag & then put replicas of the flag in each corner of the flag.”

14.  “P, F, M, F, P...that’s the Korean alphabetical order of these next 5 countries." 

15.  While Mikhail Kolyada, male figure skater from Russia, is skating, Chris says, “ She looks like a Russian skater from the 1980’s”

16.  “Tonight, Johnny Weir looks like Ruby Rhod from The 5th Element.”

17.  Patrick Chan, from Canada, is skating to Dust in the Wind. I say, “This is boring me, Chan!”  Chris said, “I think it’s Kansas that’s boring you.”

18.  Looking at Nathan Chen just sitting in a chair in his black costume, Chris says, “I bet he knows karate!”

19.  I say, “Oh, did you see him do that run thing?” Chris, “No. I would think that’s rule number 1 of ice skates - don’t run in ice skates.”

20.  “Look, he’s number 1.” (His name is Uno.). - Japanese skater 

21.  “This is the sound of someone doing Moguls, ‘oof, oof, oof, oof, oof, oof, oof, oof...wheeeeeeee! oof, oof, oof…’”

22.  “Oh, do they have snow dancing?  Like dancing outside, in a foot of snow?” 

23.  Critiquing a mogul flip, I said, “That one was lame.  I could have done it...probably.”  Immediately Chris says, “Um, no.  I mean, objectively…NO.” 

24.  Watching Ice Skating doubles I say, “Oh yeah, this is where they throw them.” Chris says, “Oh, I love people throwing.”

25.  Commentators talking about the Israeli pairs skaters, “Krasnopolski has had 5 previous partners.” Chris says, “He’s like the gigolo of ice skating.”

26.  Married couple is skating to the Moulin Rouge Love song...”That’s true ice love.”

27.  “Oh, is ice fishing an event?” 

28.  Watching Moguls, “Why do they always do the center?  I wanna see someone do the right bumps or the left bumps.” 

29.  Chris says, “I really don’t mind the Dutch.” Me, “That was Italy.” Chris, “Well, Italy’s alright. But I really don’t mind the Dutch.”

30.  Our ski jumper didn’t qualify and the commentator said, “Well, it was a good learning experience for him.”  Chris says, “We don’t need learning experiences. We need medals!”

31.  Commentators are talking about a Luger, “He wants a nice cushion going into the evening break.” Chris says, “I like a nice cushion.”

32.  A snowboarder crashes and we all yell, “Oh no!” but the commentator yells out “Yikers!”  Chris says, “Yikers?  Is that a snowboarding term.”

33.  Yelling at the TV, “Why are you wearing gangster pants?  Pull your pants up!  You’re on TV!  Unless you’re at the top of the Billboard charts for spoken word, pull your pants up!”

34.  Commentator says, “We have an action packed night of figure skating.”  Chris responds, “Action packed?!?”

35.  I say, “This is ice dancing, so there’s not as many tricks and jumps and such.”  Chris says, “So…even less exciting?”

36.  As Canada’s ice dancing couple takes the ice, the commentator says, “You are about to attend a master class in ice dancing.” Chris says, “If you asked, ‘What is the worst master class you could ever attend?’...I don’t know?…Ice dancing?”

37.  Chris says, “Oooo!  I like them!”  I say, “That’s not us.”  Chris, “Dang it!”

38.  Referring to Bradie Tennell, American Figure Skater “It’s like she has costume teeth over her normal teeth.”

39.  The crowd at the Luge area is all wearing American flag clothes and crop tops, they are painted up and waving giant heads of USA competitors…Chris says, “There’s our people. The luge attracts the trailer folk.”

40.  German Luger, Loch messes up his final run, losing not only his 1st place but his chance at any medal. Chris says, “So...I guess he wasn’t a ‘lock’ after all.”

41.  Winston walks into the room & says, “This guy is still skating?!?  How long is this?”  I begin to explain to him that the skaters do a “Short Program” and then a “Free Program”, which used to be called the “Long Program” because it was longer.  Chris says, “Now it’s called the 'You Won’t Believe How Long This Program Is’ program.”