1. The commentators are explaining the story behind the Opening Ceremony and how much history of Korea was put into the planning, design, and performance of the show. Chris says, “I better know as much about Korea as Wikipedia when this is over.”
2. Commentators say, “Whereas we might be afraid of tigers, the Korean’s see them as protectors.” Chris says, “I would consider it an honor to be mauled by a Korean tiger.”
3. Jonah wondered, “What if you took a knee during the Korean National Anthem?” Chris says, “Protesting Tiger brutality?”
4. Commentator, “As is tradition, Greece will march in first, then Korea will be last and the others will come in in alphabetical order, based on the Korean alphabet.” Chris says, “So...random.”
5. Referring to the Korean kids circling the arena doing silly dance moves, “All you have to do is stand here and do the Floss for 2 hours.”
6. “Here is Samer Tawk from Lebanon” - said like someone from Lebanon, TN.
7. Referring to USA’s Opening Ceremony attire, “Team USA can come in from the snow and immediately take a roast out of the oven with those gloves on.”
8. Katie Couric is talking about the Ralph Lauren jackets made for Team USA. They have a heating element in them. She said, “I tried one on and it was really nice. It heats up your upper back and keeps it toasty.” Chris says, “I often sit out in the snow and say, ‘My upper back is freezing! I wish my upper back was toasty.’”
9. “You better be on your A game to handle that flag.”
10. San Marino is SO tiny. It’s a dot on the map of Italy...it’s literally surrounded on all sides by Italy. Jonah says, “Italy could just take them at any time.” Immediately Chris says, “And believe you, me, they let them know it every time they see them.”
11. “What if Dan Marino visited San Marino. They’d be like, ‘You’re name is “Dan" Marino?!?’ It would be like if someone came here and we’d be like, ‘You’re name is “Bunited" States?!?’”
12. “Who are these ninja ghost babies?”
13. Referring to Georgia’s flag - “We’ll make a flag & then put replicas of the flag in each corner of the flag.”
14. “P, F, M, F, P...that’s the Korean alphabetical order of these next 5 countries."
15. While Mikhail Kolyada, male figure skater from Russia, is skating, Chris says, “ She looks like a Russian skater from the 1980’s”
16. “Tonight, Johnny Weir looks like Ruby Rhod from The 5th Element.”
17. Patrick Chan, from Canada, is skating to Dust in the Wind. I say, “This is boring me, Chan!” Chris said, “I think it’s Kansas that’s boring you.”
18. Looking at Nathan Chen just sitting in a chair in his black costume, Chris says, “I bet he knows karate!”
19. I say, “Oh, did you see him do that run thing?” Chris, “No. I would think that’s rule number 1 of ice skates - don’t run in ice skates.”
20. “Look, he’s number 1.” (His name is Uno.). - Japanese skater
21. “This is the sound of someone doing Moguls, ‘oof, oof, oof, oof, oof, oof, oof, oof...wheeeeeeee! oof, oof, oof…’”
22. “Oh, do they have snow dancing? Like dancing outside, in a foot of snow?”
23. Critiquing a mogul flip, I said, “That one was lame. I could have done it...probably.” Immediately Chris says, “Um, no. I mean, objectively…NO.”
24. Watching Ice Skating doubles I say, “Oh yeah, this is where they throw them.” Chris says, “Oh, I love people throwing.”
25. Commentators talking about the Israeli pairs skaters, “Krasnopolski has had 5 previous partners.” Chris says, “He’s like the gigolo of ice skating.”
26. Married couple is skating to the Moulin Rouge Love song...”That’s true ice love.”
27. “Oh, is ice fishing an event?”
28. Watching Moguls, “Why do they always do the center? I wanna see someone do the right bumps or the left bumps.”
29. Chris says, “I really don’t mind the Dutch.” Me, “That was Italy.” Chris, “Well, Italy’s alright. But I really don’t mind the Dutch.”
30. Our ski jumper didn’t qualify and the commentator said, “Well, it was a good learning experience for him.” Chris says, “We don’t need learning experiences. We need medals!”
31. Commentators are talking about a Luger, “He wants a nice cushion going into the evening break.” Chris says, “I like a nice cushion.”
32. A snowboarder crashes and we all yell, “Oh no!” but the commentator yells out “Yikers!” Chris says, “Yikers? Is that a snowboarding term.”
33. Yelling at the TV, “Why are you wearing gangster pants? Pull your pants up! You’re on TV! Unless you’re at the top of the Billboard charts for spoken word, pull your pants up!”
34. Commentator says, “We have an action packed night of figure skating.” Chris responds, “Action packed?!?”
35. I say, “This is ice dancing, so there’s not as many tricks and jumps and such.” Chris says, “So…even less exciting?”
36. As Canada’s ice dancing couple takes the ice, the commentator says, “You are about to attend a master class in ice dancing.” Chris says, “If you asked, ‘What is the worst master class you could ever attend?’...I don’t know?…Ice dancing?”
37. Chris says, “Oooo! I like them!” I say, “That’s not us.” Chris, “Dang it!”
38. Referring to Bradie Tennell, American Figure Skater “It’s like she has costume teeth over her normal teeth.”
39. The crowd at the Luge area is all wearing American flag clothes and crop tops, they are painted up and waving giant heads of USA competitors…Chris says, “There’s our people. The luge attracts the trailer folk.”
40. German Luger, Loch messes up his final run, losing not only his 1st place but his chance at any medal. Chris says, “So...I guess he wasn’t a ‘lock’ after all.”
41. Winston walks into the room & says, “This guy is still skating?!? How long is this?” I begin to explain to him that the skaters do a “Short Program” and then a “Free Program”, which used to be called the “Long Program” because it was longer. Chris says, “Now it’s called the 'You Won’t Believe How Long This Program Is’ program.”
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