1. Simultaneously, overtop of each of other - I say, “I don’t even know what’s happening here.” While Chris says, “What are we watching right now?”
(It was - Ladies 10 K Free, Cross Country Skiing)
2. While watching cross country skiing, commentator says, “The best looking skier at this point is Haga”. Chris says, “I don’t know...Jessie Diggins is pretty hot.”
3. Watching speed skating, commentators talk about Eric Heiden who won 5 gold medals at the 1980 Winter Olympics - something no other Winter athlete has done. Chris proceeds to Google him. “He’s a physician?!? He’s got an athletic career AND a medical career?!? CRAP!! Why am I not Heiden-ing?”
4. Commentator is talking about Kramer, the Dutch speed skater. They talk about what a huge deal this race is and say that even the children back home are watching it in school. Chris says, “Why? It’s not exciting like American football? It’s like NASCAR with only 2 racers!”
5. Watching one of the longer, long track speed skating events, Chris says, “If I was in that crowd, I’d be bloated from all the nachos I left the arena to go get.”
6. “Couldn’t they have come up with something better to stop the 80 mph Skeleton racers than foam bedding from Cosco?”
7. Watching some of the men’s Giant Slalom, “You can fast through this. I don’t need to see all this “shushing”. I don’t need to see any shushing of any of these other shushers, unless they’re our shusher.”
8. I ask, “Who is this skiing?” Chris, “It’s one of the ‘sideways-cross’ country’s.
9. “I can tell he didn’t get a first down cuz I can see the green line.” - watching Men’s Large Hill Ski Jump
10. “I’m all about Women’s Big Air.”
11. Bobsledding is not going so well for USA. I say, “We need to make up some time.” Chris says, “We need rockets on our bobsled. I guarantee, we will be great at rockets.”
12. Referring to Woman’s Downhill Training, “What is training? It is nothing. It’s, ‘I’m gonna go down the hill. You can time me if you want.”
13. “I don’t think cross country skiing is for me...not participating in nor watching.”
14. Ice Dancing team, “Chock/Bates...Ooo Ahh Ahh”
15. Winston asks, “So what’s the difference between ice dancing and ice skating?” Chris says, “Well, really it comes down to floofiness.”
16. “Is Johnny Weir serious with his look or is he going for comedy? Or maybe he is just saying, “Hey, watch this...I’m gonna wear this on TV tonight...”
17. Johnny Weir says, “It’s gonna come down to the prestige of Yevgenia Medvedeva and the strategy of Alina Zagitova.” Mike Tirico says, “We look forward to that.” Chris says, “...he says with a straight face.”
18. Watching ski jumping, Chris says, “I’m amazed at how NBC continues to think we know how tall the Statue of Liberty is.”
19. “Oh, this is the team ski jump. We have no one. We couldn’t even muster up a team in ski jump.”
20. Commenting further on why we don’t have any one doing ski jumping, “It’s kind of like an X-Game event from the ‘60s. You just ski down the hill and do 1 jump...forget that.”
21. “Belarus, Norway, Poland...ya know, all the countries everyone’s heard of but no one’s ever been to.”
22. 4 man bobsled, “Oh, that’s the big hot dog tube on skates.”
23. While reading about the 4 man bobsled, we learn that there are 2 “push athletes”. Chris says, “If someone were to say, ‘by the by, are you a sportsman?’ ‘Why yes. I’m one of the 2 push athletes.’ They would respond, ‘...pardon?’”
24. “Why don’t they just cram 8 or 10 people in there? Like a clown car bobsled.”
25. Commentator says, “Let’s have a listen to the rumble & roar of the 4 man sled ALL the way down the hill.” Chris says, “What that means is, ‘I’m gonna go get a coffee.’”
26. Looking at the Big Air scoring break down, there are a couple people with a “JNS”. Chris says, “JNS stands for, Just...No...Stop.”
27. Ester Ledecka, skier/snowboarder, “I think she got her uniform from Party City.”
28. Commenting on why we haven’t seen any 2 man luge this time, Chris says in an exaggerated announcer voice, “Two man luge - too awkward for Primetime.”
29. “Why didn’t France & Italy get together when they were choosing their flags? And who came first. Like Italy might say, ‘We need a new flag. I like France’s flag...what’s the least amount we can change it and avoid copyright infringement?’”
30. Mass Start speed skating: “This is like conga line racing.”
31. Referring to the Russian Curling team, “So they probably just went off on their own with the doping...to gain a physical advantage...in curling.”
32. “We should make the biathlon punishment for school shooters. ‘Alright, go ahead, cross country ski for a kilometer or so, then you can shoot whatever you want, big man.
Closing Ceremony
33. Referring to the children coming in with the Korean flag wearing tiger hats & ponchos, “They’re like a real life version of a Snapchat filter.”
34. Korean man singing the National Anthem, “He’s wearing a diaper scarf...with his dress.”
35. Jambinai, the Korean music group that is mixing Eastern & Western traditional music with more modern sounds are jamming to this one note/one chord song. Chris says, “I wonder if they know ‘Enter Snadman.’”
36. A child is singing the Olympic Anthem. Chris says, “They’re not even trying to fool us now - he doesn’t even have a microphone.”
37. Referring to the mesh, light suit Panda in Beijing’s presentation, “Oh, I wanna be that for Halloween.”
38. Weird pan banging & dancing, “We did this exact same dance in our living room when I was 9. I knew it looked familiar.”
39. Watching some K-pop group, Chris says, “Yeah, it’s the 90’s in Korea.”
40. “This particular act right now is like a version of a dance/sing off between Korean Backstreet Boys & Korean *NSYNC.”
41. K-Pop is still going on, but there are several big ATVs sitting around on the stage. I ask, “What are these 4-Wheeler’s for?” Chris says, “They’re waiting for this to be over so they can put the tarp back on.”
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