1. “I think we’re murdering the other countries in medals.”
2. I say, “Oh, here’s Bob Costas…we haven't had any Bob Costas quotes yet.” Chris says, “He’s hardly on…I mean look, he’s on so little, he’s standing.” Long pause, “Bob can’t stand for long periods of time.”
3. Scrolling along the bottom of the screen, we read: “IOC Executive Board Member arrested for alleged involvement in Olympic ticket scalping scheme.” Chris says, “Finally! Get that guy off the streets!”
4. Mary Carillo is on with Ryan Seacrest wearing white pants. Then they go to a video segment where she is interviewing a street artist and she’s again wearing white pants. Of course, I make a comment about her wearing white pants, and Chris, without missing a beat says, “It’s her signature look.”
5. We see a clip of badminton and Jonah says, “I wanna see some badminton.” Chris says, “You can’t - it’s a China sport.”
6. In Church, we watched the clip of David Boudia and Steele Johnson (American synchro divers) talking about their faith. Pastor says, “We just watched two men, in front of the world…” Chris says, “…in Speedos…”
7. After watching the Mens’ 10K race, I say, “I know I’m not fast, but regular people running a 5K in under 30 minutes is pretty darn good. This was a 10K and they just did it in well under 30 minutes!” Chris yells, “OLYMPICS!”
8. During the Track races, we pause so that Chris can say every name in the line up and sometimes expound on each one:
Kabange Mupopo (Ka-bang-E Moo-po-po)
Malgorzata Holub (Sounds like an Evil Space Lord)
Olga Zemylak (Medication…”Did you take your Zemylak?”)
Lagos Gebrhiwet (when you ‘get wet everywhere’, you’re “Gebrhiwet”)
Andrew Butchart (Butt-Chart - His ancestors checked out rear ends and kept records)
9. Usain Bolt just wins the 100M and keeps running around near the stands as a camera man desperately runs after him. Chris says, “That guy’s trying to run after Usain Bolt! If you’re going to run after someone, pick anyone else!”
10. One of the American hurdle runners plays football for the University of Oregon. After the race, he is being interviewed and is asked about his team back at school. He says, “Go Ducks, Baby!” Chris says, “I think he meant to say, ‘Go baby Ducks!’”
11. Chris has renamed the American runner, Ronnie Ash, “Forty Yard Ash”.
12. Evan Jäger wins the Silver medal in the Steeplechase. The announcer says, “He just made all the American Steeplechasers proud.” Chris says, “Yeah, all 7 of them.”
13. In Men’s Gymnastics, “My favorite part of the men’s Floor Exercise is the Breakdance section.”
14. Also during Men's Gymnastics, “Hey, you just won the Silver medal…Oh, now you’re crying…like a woman.” (said in the voice of Zapp Brannigan)
15. UK Pommel Horse man comes out. He looks tall, mean, and has a severe hair cut. Chris says, “He looks like a fighter. Ooo! Do they have Olympic no-rules fighting, like Fight Club?…I bet they do - they just don’t talk about it.”
16. Referring to the Russian woman gymnast on vault, “She looks like a face-swap of a couple of different actresses.”
17. Referring to the Australian women’s Beach Volleyball team, “Bawden & Clancy. Sounds like 2 old men…like ‘Bawden & Clancy, attorneys at law.’”
18. Referring to Equestrian Jumping, “I call this ‘Horse Hurdles’”.
19. “It’s like an obstacle course for horses. Or a ‘Horse Course’, if you will.”
20. Chris is playing through some of the Team Jumping event in fast motion. He says, “Is this exciting?” Everyone in the family shouts, “No!” “Okay. Just wanted to make sure.”
21. Referring to Synchronized Swimming, “I bet if you picked this ‘sport’ when you were in elementary school, you regretted it later.”
22. The Synchronized Swimming team from China comes out and does their mini routine before even jumping in, complete with lots of jazz hands. Winston says, “This isn’t Show Choir.” Chris & I, in sync say, “It kinda is.”
23. While critiquing the synchronized sports…“I’m really good at noticing if things are the same or not.”
24. During the women’s platform Diving, I note that there is guy sitting in the stands and is in the shot for every single dive. He’s not wearing a shirt. Chris says, “Well, he is at the pool.”
25. Later we notice that the ‘no-shirt’ guy is gone. Chris says, “The shirt police got him.”
26. Tom Daley is doing really well in the Prelims. Chris says, “He’s like a Chinese woman of men’s diving.”
27. Referring to one of the men’s tiny swimsuits, “Oh, I see a little crack there…that’s a full point deduction.”
28. Referring to the Decathlon, “So, the one who wins is the top sportser?”
29. Ashton Eaton is being interviewed after winning the gold in the Decathlon. The interviewer says, “So, you’ve now won the Gold medal for the second time, you have the world record and the Olympic record…what’s next for you?” Chris immediately yells out, “Bobsled!”
30. USA Men’s Volleyball Coach starts inaudibly talking into his walkie-talkie. Chris overdubs, “Breaker one-nine, gotcha ears on, good Buddy?”
31. During some Canoeing. “Well, we still stink at this - even though I still do ‘heart’ flat water canoeing.”
32. Referring to the Closing Ceremony stuff, “This is like a way to showcase the different types of Brazilian zombies.”
33. “I wish our National Anthem was more terrifying.”
34. Chris says, “Who’s that guy there on stage”? I say, “He’s the Mayor of Rio.” Immediately, he says, “Wrong! He’s from Huey Lewis and the News.”
35. There are 3 people in the audience waving their flashlights around right behind the stage as the Olympic flag is being passed on to Tokyo. Chris says, “Those people won the gold medal in Ceremony Interruption.”
36. During the Closing Ceremony, “I knew Rio would have the vegetables come out at some point.”
37. Earlier in the boringness of the Ceremony, Chris commented that the Tokyo games would be “off the chain”. Now, within the first few moments of the Tokyo presentation wee see cool graphics, robot women rolling in, and hear interesting music. Chris says, “SEE!”
So concludes the Games of the 31st Olympiad.
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